


Balestra

by Stone_Princess



Series: Fencing Lessons [3]
Category: Smallville
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-05-03
Updated: 2003-05-03
Packaged: 2017-10-26 08:23:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/280845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stone_Princess/pseuds/Stone_Princess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Third in the Fencing Lessons series, follows 'Riposte.' Balestra: a forward hop or jump, typically followed by an attack such as a lunge or fleche.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Balestra

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my lovely and excellent betas, Joyfulgirl, Alax and Alison without you this would be garbage. Extra super thanks to Rhiannonhero for sending the CDs that made this story possible and for telling me when it just really doesn't work. Rhi, I will wate 4 u with pye.

* * *

Clark couldn't believe how hard Lex was fucking him. He relaxed, opening himself up to it, taking all of Lex that he could get. Sweat, semen, kisses that ravaged his mouth, kisses that would bruise anyone else. Clark wanted it that hard. Wanted to still be able to feel Lex after he was gone. Wanted it to go on forever. The touching, tasting, pulling, bruising. All Clark could feel was his body and Lex's body and the sensations they gave each other. Nothing else existed in the universe.

All he knew was Lex inside him, taking him, possessing him. They had created a world where all he could do was mark his love with bruises and take away all the anger and pain that Lex gave in his most brutal fucking. Marks on Lex's skin had taken the place of words that no one could seem to speak. The red kiss-bites and purple bruises were all he could give now, all that Lex would take. Lust had become too tied into love and love was no longer anything but pain and want.

Neither of them spoke when it was over. Instead they clung to each other like drowning men in an ocean of fear. Clark snuck a caress here and gentle touch there, waiting for Lex to flinch away from him. When the need for kissing and comfort became too much Clark put on his clothes and left, never speaking. It was a subject on which there was nothing left to say.

Clark had once resolved to put his feelings for Lex behind him, but they wouldn't stay buried and now it seemed he had nothing before him but a game of friendship and hidden passion that tormented more than it satisfied.

Outside in the dark, Clark walked the back roads and fields around Smallville until the eastern sky began to pale with first light. For three years he'd been fucked brutally and in silence, trying to find relief from the emotional pain and anger that grew out of suppressing his feelings for Lex. All the things pent up inside each of them, dark and miserable, came out in their stolen moments together. Joy, caressing and tenderness stayed bottled deep inside. Clark had learned Lex's lesson, they both had too much to lose to risk exposing that love, instead they continued to deny each other until the despair of being apart erupted into silent, furious sex.

Nights when he'd been away from Lex for too long and the darkness covered like a blanket, Clark thought of the first time, when it was sweet and tender. He touched himself carefully, gently, recollecting the way Lex's mouth felt on his cock, thinking of the way Lex held him for the whole night. He always cried when he came and sometimes it felt like the tears would never stop. But he kept them in the dark, kept those tears locked away with the secret that caused them. The world only saw the happy version of Clark, the innocent Clark, though his innocence had ended years before. It had been slowly replaced with devouring love and devastating emptiness.

In the light of day, Clark had everyone else to worry about, so he buried his own broken heart beneath the problems of the people he loved, never letting anyone see it. Even with the grief the darkness brought, there was nothing Clark looked forward to more than the time he spent with Lex.

His heart damaged, Clark arrived home with the dawn. Something inside of him still warmed by recalling the feel of Lex's skin against his, the feeling of Lex inside him.

*****

Lex studied the ceiling, trying to clear his mind. He couldn't. Clark hadn't even said a word as he left. He couldn't remember when it changed from Clark asking to stay to Clark leaving without a word.

The change had been so long ago that he sometimes he felt it had always been this way. Almost like clockwork, every third fencing lesson devolved into rough, brutal, wordless sex. Lex could set his watch by it. In the daylight, Clark and Lex were the friends everyone expected to see, talking, having coffee, playing chess, going to movies, fencing. The light of day seemed to mask the other Clark and Lex. The couple that couldn't stay apart, couldn't not touch. In the twilight, the touching was always disturbing, hot and dangerous. Every bit of it was wrong, as if all the fear, anger and lust they carried all month, playing at being easy friends, couldn't be stopped anymore and exploded.

A long time ago, Lex quit telling Clark that they could never be together, Clark quit asking why. Sometimes the want, desperation and pain in Clark's eyes after they fucked was too much for Lex and he swore to never do it again. He didn't want to see his own anguish reflected in Clark. But it always happened, as if their bodies over-ruled their minds and forced them together. Even so soon after they had fucked, the tension and anticipation of the next time made the muscles of Lex's stomach quiver. Or maybe it was only guilt and need.

Clark was still the center of his world. Even though Clark had Lana now, he still spent more time with Lex. Just as friends of course, fencing and such. Lex had never been able to keep away, even now when he returned to his role of advising Clark with Lana. It was as if everything had returned to exactly the way it was in the beginning, five years ago. Sometimes it was still easy and friendly, but when the darkness took over they had days like today.

Lex no longer thought of the tenderness they shared the first time. Sometimes scotch took him to the edge, faltering between remembering too much and forgetting everything and that night flashed before him. It had been at least three years since they had touched each other gently. Three years since Clark had asked for them to be together, since Clark had last spoken in hope of a deeper relationship.

Not a day had passed in those three years when Lex hadn't repeated to himself the litany of reasons not to become more involved with Clark. He would never risk the actions his father could take. Lionel could destroy Clark and his family if he wanted. Lex would never risk the chance that he could cause a rift inside the Kent family. Too many chances to inflict even more accidental hurt on Clark. Lex knew he should continue to err on the side of safety, even as the possibility of being with Clark seemed less impossible. He knew the choice was still too dangerous for either of them, even now.

Lionel was sick. Lionel was halfway to being dead and halfway around the world. Having finally yielded to cancer that he had denied having for years, Lionel had collapsed at a meeting in Paris and had been in a coma ever since. Lex had LexCorp and was now playing regent to LuthorCorp as his father wasted away in an expensive French hospital suite. To the casual observer it might seem that Lex entirely controlled his own destiny. He had the money, the power, the force to have whatever he chose. Without the shadow of his father watching over him, challenging him, Lex could strive for something much greater than the complacent life he'd chosen in Smallville.

He should get to work, call Hamilton and send him to inspect the labs they discovered Lionel had been running in Dresden. There were thousands of papers awaiting his signature. The hospital in Paris would soon be expecting his call to check his father's condition. LexCorp was swimming in unfinished business as the management of LuthorCorp had absorbed too much of Lex's attention.

Lex stared at the ceiling, without really seeing it, until the first shaft of light laid itself across his lap. Work could wait, at least until he could clear his mind. But he couldn't. Even over coffee and calls to his assistant, Lex found himself wondering if Clark would even want him now, if everything they might share had been tainted by the corruption of the past three years.

*****

"Clark! Were you out all night?" Martha worked to keep worry out of her voice, even though her son looked completely heartbroken. She went on hopefully, "Did you stay at Lana's?" She knew full well he hadn't been with Lana. Lex was the only person who caused her son to look so abandoned. Even his teenage crush on Lana had never inspired such obvious feelings of pain. The kind of pain that only came from real love.

"No, I, um, Lex and I watched some movies after the fencing lesson and I fell asleep. Sorry I didn't call." Clark could not even look her in the eye as he entered the house.

It was like a cycle she could practically count the days of. Everything was fine, Clark seemed his normal happy self and then every month or so he came home from Lex's looking as if the world was ending. As much as she saw the anguish, she still wanted to disavow that something physical must be taking place between her son and his best friend.

Martha saw the same pain in Lex whenever she caught him covertly watching Clark. She saw many things that no one else acknowledged. From the very beginning, her husband had seen the live coal of emotion that smoldered between the boys. Jonathan had done everything he could to stop it. But all his actions had done was isolate Clark from them. Clark never talked to them about his personal life any more, only his worries for the outside world and the responsibilities that his powers gave him.

Like any mother, she had hoped when Clark and Lana finally got together that things would be different. All she wanted was the impossible: a normal life for her unusual son. He and Lana were the only ones who stayed in Smallville after high school, Chloe and Pete having gone off to college. Whitney had died in action in Indonesia a couple years ago. Mrs. Fordman still proudly displayed his Purple Heart in Fordman's shop window.

It was obvious to anyone with eyes that Clark and Lana had come together more through a need for familiarity than lust, love or romance. Even a willfully blind mother could see that it was only a relationship of convenience for them. Both afraid to be alone, yet never really there with each other.

Lana was in community college, Clark had taken a year to help around the farm and decide what he wanted to do. Martha wished desperately that he had gone away to college, that he could leave behind the pain she saw in him, but she knew he would stay as long as Lex was here.

Hearing Clark's bedroom door close, she tried to push the preoccupation with his well-being to the back of her mind. There was too much work to do. She couldn't afford to spend so much time worrying on things she couldn't change.

After she finished the laundry, she fed the cows and horses and cleaned the stables. It was hard, dirty work. Great for completely clearing one's mind. She didn't see Clark again until dinner, although she knew he had spent most of the day working with Jonathan repairing the fence in the east field.

Martha took the time to shower before preparing dinner and was just setting the table when her men came into the house.

"Smells great, Mom. Trying a new recipe?" Clark's smile had returned, bright and beautiful. She had no way of knowing if it was genuine, her son had spent too many years concealing things under that smile.

"I thought you guys might like a change, we're having crab cakes tonight." She edged around them as they washed up in the kitchen sink.

"Crab cakes, Martha? Can we afford that?" She couldn't see his face but after 21 years of marriage, Martha knew the look there.

"Relax, Jonathan, enjoy yourself with out worrying for once. Besides, you'd never know the difference, but I didn't use real crab. We're having Krab cakes - crab with a 'k.'"

"Looks good to me, Mom. Maybe you can give Lana the recipe, she loves trying new stuff like this." The food was in his mouth as soon as the last syllable was out. He appeared fully grown, but her son's capacity for food had never diminished.

"Are you going to see her again tonight, son?" Jonathan didn't even look up as he spoke. Shoveling food in as rapidly as his son. It occurred to her, briefly, that she could probably serve them dog food and they'd never notice. Another elaborate recipe completely wasted.

"Yeah, she's playing an old movie at the Talon tonight, _A Remembered Affair_ or something."

" _An Affair to Remember_?" Martha was mildly amused at the limited male capacity for remembering good movies.

"Yeah, that. Anyway I told her I would take her. We'll probably, uh, hang out afterwards." He blushed a little, which Martha thought was cute even though he was 20. "I might be a little late." Mumbled around a mouthful of rice.

"I saw there was another letter from Met U when I came in for lunch. Don't you have to give them answer soon?" Jonathan asked. Martha set down her fork, much more interested in the answer to her husband's question than he seemed to be. Clark had deferred admission last year. She knew he only had eight days to decide to go.

"Um, yeah, I don't know." Clark actually paused the flow of food into his mouth to look at both of them. "You both need me here, right? I mean, who would take over my chores if I went to Metropolis?"

"Don't worry about us. We can hire a few extra farm hands and you'll be here in the summer when it counts. I think I speak for your mother and I both when I say we're more concerned about your future." Martha only nodded, as her husband spoke, afraid if she opened her mouth she would beg her son to get away from the empty life he was creating for himself here.

In the end Clark had been as non-committal as ever, although he promised to consider the issue seriously and to talk it over with Lana.

When Clark drove off that night, she stood on the porch, staring after the pinpricks of his tail lights long after they were invisible. Martha remembered the homecoming night four years before when Lex appeared at their door looking for Clark. She knew then, even if she hadn't admitted it, that those boys would never be able to let each other go. She just didn't know how to stop them from continually breaking each other's hearts.

"Martha? What are you doing out here? Come inside before you freeze." She let herself be led into the warm room and the love and stability that her husband gave, once more trying to cast off the pessimistic thoughts of her son's future.

*****

" _Attack au Fer_. Excellent deflection, Clark. Seems like your last work out with Heike must have been instructive." Lex returned with a tight _counter-parry_ , forcing Clark back.

They had been sparring for nearly an hour. Clark was working on his _balestra_ , a small forward hop that seemed to be the most ungraceful thing he had ever attempted. Having arrived early, he spent thirty minutes working short drills with Heike before Lex joined them.

The fencing had become something like a Zen exercise to Clark. The focus he had to extend both on good form and to keep his abilities under control was sufficient to wipe his mind of anything else.

Lex performed an amazingly elegant _froissement_ , displacing Clark's blade with a strong grazing action. Taken off guard, Clark was again forced back and lost the round.

As usual Clark's form was off at the beginning of their last bout. He could feel the tension between them as Lex repositioned his body. It was tangible and Clark could almost feel physically the emotions behind every move they made. As if fencing suddenly became a corporeal metaphor for the feelings neither ever mentioned. Every time it was like this they ended up fucking. Clark couldn't do it again.

As the match ended, Clark made excuses of chores and fled without another word to Lex.

As he walked home, it struck him that being with Lex was like the sun shining only for him. Lex listened when he talked, like he was the most interesting person in all of Creation. That was precisely the reason Clark had kept up the fencing lessons for all these years. Lex's focus never wavered from him during a match, giving Clark the attention he so desperately desired. It wasn't so much about fencing, as it was a way to get what Lex would never give him otherwise. Some days he lived for that moment - the beginning of a match when Lex's eyes locked on his and they moved together, giving and taking in turn.

Today the fencing had been good; his lessons with Heike had paid off. But the moments of passion that would have followed if he hadn't left added to the weight on his soul.

As much as he tried to deny, to forget it, he still wanted Lex. Clark knew what he needed was a different kind of attention, love, acknowledgement. He had tried everything to win it, earn it, make Lex see, but to no avail. There was nothing left to do but ask for the love he had been so long denied. Moving at slow human speed, Clark turned and walked back to the mansion. Turned back toward the only thing he had ever wanted.

*****

The doorbell startled Lex as he stood in the dressing room, staring into space. Having just showered, Lex finished buttoning his shirt as he headed for the door. The staff had the afternoon off. They always did on fencing lesson days. One never knew what would happen.

"Clark!" He couldn't hide the surprise in his voice at the young man's reappearance. Clark looked crushed. "Are you okay. Did something happen?"

"Nothing happened, Lex." He didn't even look up as he spoke. "And even when it does we never talk about."

Adrenaline kicked in even as Lex tried to remain outwardly calm.

"Why don't you come inside." Lex stepped to the left of the entrance, still buttoning the cuffs of his shirt.

As they settled themselves in front of the fire in the library, Lex tried to catalogue his feelings. Anxiety, anticipation, trepidation, no small bit of fear and something he barely recognized, but he was pretty sure it was hope.

"Do you want something to drink?" Not caring that it was three o'clock in the afternoon, Lex poured himself a scotch, using the ritual surrounding drink service to steady himself before he faced Clark.

"No, thanks, I'm fine."

"Are you, Clark? You look like something dreadful happened to your dog. But I know you don't have a dog, so what is it?"

"It did... something... I mean... I can't do this anymore, Lex, it takes too much out of me. I'll leave now, if you ask me to..."

"Clark, I wouldn't, I..."

"Hear me out, Lex, before you decide if you'll ask me to go or not." He paused, giving Lex a look full of meaning. Damned if Lex understood where Clark was going with this.

"If you ask me to leave, I imagine everything will go on just like it has been for the last few years. The need to touch you is too strong, Lex." Clark paused, wiping his hands nervously on his jeans.

"It's rough, and dirty and we never talk about it, but we do it because we have too. We have to touch each other. And if that's all we can have, then I'll take it. But if I have a choice, I don't choose that. I still want you. Want to be with you, as much as I did the first time." Clark's face was glass as he spoke, misery, heart break, desire, lust all clear behind it. Lex turned away, knowing the emotions would be as clear on his own face.

"I can't love you this much and have it be something I have to hide from you, Lex." Looking back he saw Clark's face was contorted with pain. Lex was filled with remorse at the thought of turning that love into something to be ashamed of.

"I want all of you, not just your friendship...not just desperate fucking in the dark. I want to kiss you and fall asleep in your arms. And I want to make love to you, make you mine as much as I have always been and always will be yours." Clark finished visibly anxious, tense and full of fear at the words that had poured from his mouth.

Unable to speak, paralyzed by his own tension and desire, Lex simply stared at Clark. Had it been days, a week, merely hours since he last wondered if Clark still wanted him? Things were different now, Lex's inventory of reasons to deny himself Clark's love was infinitely shorter than it had been in years past. Now Lionel was no longer a factor in the choices that Lex made, now he knew Clark's feelings hadn't changed.

Out of control, completely lost and under the influence of that strange spark of hope, Lex leaned in and kissed Clark, cutting off any more speech.

"Let's go upstairs, Clark." Lex left his scotch untouched and moved toward something which promised release from his heavy heart.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, toeing off his loafers, Lex looked up see Clark staring at him, apparently astounded.

As he patted the bed beside him, his voice didn't even sound normal, it was deeper, huskier, "Sit down." Clark responded obediently, his face calmer but still marked with surprise.

Lex reached for Clark's hand, pulling his friend's sleeve above his elbow. The room seemed to spin around him as he brought the wrist up toward his face. The skin was scented with soap, laundry detergent and the simple smell that was all Clark. Lex's lips pressed against the pulse, feeling the blood moving underneath. Clark's artery throbbed hotly on his lips and he couldn't resist the urge to lick it and feel Clark's life beating against his tongue. Wanting more, his mouth open on the wrist, tongue hard against the thin skin, Lex moved up, kissing the tender pad at the base of the thumb. His teeth grazed gently across it as he moved to the palm, licking the salt taste of Clark from the hollow of the cupped hand. Unsatisfied, he moved on, sliding his tongue between the fingers. Finally, Lex took Clark's ring finger and little finger all the way into his mouth. His tongue worked it's way between the fingers as he sucked.

Sliding the fingers from his mouth, he kissed the tip of each one and looked at Clark. The tint of surprise hadn't left his features, but his face was now full of want, lips swollen, eyes slitted. Even the boy's breathing had changed, become heavier. Lex couldn't believe how beautiful he was, couldn't stop touching him now.

Lex reached over and began unbuttoning Clark's shirt, breaking eye contact only as he pulled the t-shirt underneath over Clark's head. He took Clark's hands and brought them to his own buttons, encouraging his lover to similarly free him. When they were both stripped of their shirts, he again took possession of those broad, thick lips, continuing the kiss that had begun downstairs.

Clark's hands wandered over his body like they were reading messages under his skin, seeking answers. Lex moved his own hands to the boy's neck and hair, taking back some tiny bit of control and lowering them both down on the bed.

Hands stroked his back, his scalp, pausing to tug lightly at his earlobes before continuing their exploration. Though thoroughly distracted, Lex had a goal. Freeing his fingers from the mass of dark curls, he sought buttons and zippers. With some contortion necessary to keep contact with Clark's satin skin, Lex managed to eventually leave jeans, slacks and two pairs of boxers, cotton and silk, in heap on the floor.

Tongues, hands and lips tangled across expanses of skin. Lex, listened to breath quickening, interested, excited, as he licked hard across the flushed red of Clark's nipple. He heard his own voice, in nonsense syllables, needy, wanting, as Clark dragged teeth across his collarbone and into the triangle of flesh and muscle along the top of his shoulder. Lex shuddered as fingertips teased the delicate skin in the hollow of his hipbones. He bit and grazed over the taut muscles of Clark's abdomen. Going completely on the offensive as he found Clark's stunningly hard cock and pressed his tongue up the length of it, engulfing it fully in his mouth when he reached the top.

Lex felt a hand on his head, thumb caressing his ear as fingers curved around his scalp.

"No, Lex. Wait. I don't want to come yet. I want this to go on forever." Clark's voice was passion-thick and dreamy.

******

It was all so hazy and unreal, as if all he ever had to do was ask Lex for gentleness and he would receive it.

Clark was unable to stop from writhing and moaning as Lex's tongue flickered over his skin. It was cliche to say that his skin felt electrified, alive, and it wasn't even nearly enough to describe the way he felt. He was able to take the hardest, most brutal touches from Lex: sex that verged on rage and would injure a normal person, but this, this was too much. His skin quivered in anticipation of even the lightest of touches.

Clark could sense the heart rate change in his lover, could count every breath. And all of it was new. This lover he knew, whose body he could draw with his eyes closed, was all new to him. Even the familiar taste of Lex's sweat damped skin was fresh, something to be examined, remembered like it was the first time. It was as if everything had been laid open in the light. They could do anything. Clark could ask anything. He could ask for the one thing Lex had never given him.

"Lex, please, I want you, I want to be... inside..." Lex seemed to understand even though Clark barely made sense.

"Yes, Clark, inside me, now."

Dizzy, Clark fumbled in the familiar bedside drawer, finding lube and carefully slicking his hand with it. Lex's legs went up and opened giving him access. One finger inside, then two. Clark was concentrating so hard at first he barely heard Lex murmuring affirmations, sweetly begging, making sounds that were pure want. Wanting Clark. Unable to wait longer, he slid up Lex's body, aligning their hips, he pressed the head of his cock into Lex in one long, deliberate stroke. A sound escaped from Lex resonating with satisfaction and pleasure. Completely submerged, he was barely aware of Lex's knees tucked against his shoulders. All Clark saw now was the luminous, sweat-sheened face before him. A face that shone with pure pleasure as he stroked rhythmically in Lex's ass. Lex's face, beautiful, watching him.

Time had ended and no one knew, as Clark moved in Lex. All he was aware of was the change in Lex's breathing as the speed of his strokes increased. There were tiny noises of need that seemed to come from everywhere in the room, drawn from each of them, joining in a single song of pleasure.

It felt so good, this slow dance with Lex, kissing, touching, fucking, that Clark wasn't sure when he began to come, or when it ended. It was just long ribbons of ecstasy, spun from them both. It was absolution for all the fear and exile they had suffered at the hands of each other. Even after it all ended and they lay side by side, their hands never stopped soothing and searching and it was only when Lex's breathing changed and the hands on his body stilled that Clark realized his lover had fallen asleep.

Every care was wiped from Lex's face in sleep. Letting his fingertips stroke lightly over the bare scalp, Clark couldn't stop touching, couldn't stop watching, afraid if he slept himself that this would all end. Lex had given himself to Clark. And the brilliance wasn't just in the tenderness and discovery, but that there had been none of Lex's pulling away, his usual closing off. Lex had not given Clark the ancient speech of reasons they could never be together.

This realization made Clark feel more desperate and alone than he had before. With shared tenderness so fresh in his mind, he knew he couldn't go back to how it had been. He needed more. He wanted to unburden his soul to Lex, tell all the secrets and share everything between them. As if sharing all the hidden truths would somehow bind them, keep them together. After all, Lex had let Clark make love to him. Anything must be possible now. Somehow the planning and pondering of what to say gave way to sleep and Clark curled tightly into the sleep-warmed body next to him.

*****

It was barely dawn when Lex opened his eyes to the angel he'd woken to years before and missed every morning since. Clark glowed in the dim light from beyond the open bathroom door. Was it the cheekbones and the pouty lips, or did all Seraphim just radiate beauty the way Clark did? It was amazing that someone could look so innocent and be as debauched as they had been the past few years. There was nothing wrong with sex, but somehow they had managed to corrupt it with so much denial and secrecy.

And Lex knew now that no one could be as good and as depraved as Clark had been and still stay around unless it really was love. What did they gain from angry fumblings in the dark? More pain than they both already had. He wanted to be with Clark. Be with him, damn everything else all to hell, if there was anything left to damn to hell.

Although he appeared happy and satisfied, Clark barely spoke as he dressed and came down to breakfast.

"Clark," he jerked as Lex spoke, looking up, timid and wary, "did you sleep well?"

Wariness stayed on his face, "Wonderful, Lex, but..."

"But what?" The face was more beautiful than it had been that morning, years before, the first time they had woken full of tenderness. Faint care lines showed through the obvious distress.

"Lex,I have to talk to you. I have to tell you something."

"About last night, Clark, I..."

"No, Lex, listen." Abruptly cut off, Lex set down his coffee and turned all his attention to Clark. "I lied to you, Lex."

Incapable of forming a response, Lex picked up his coffee and immediately set it down again. Wanting be open and supportive he did his best to turn his look of disbelief into something else as he stared expectantly at Clark.

"Mr. Luthor, you have a phone call from Dresden, it sounds important." Enrique left the room as silently as he had entered it.

Clark's eyes were clouded with fear as Lex scooted his chair back and stood up.

"I'm sorry, Clark, can this wait just a second? I have to take this call." At Clark's silent nod, Lex took his coffee with him into the study.

"Lex Luthor here."

"Mr. Luthor, it's Steven Hamilton."

"Dr. Hamilton, now really isn't a good time." Lex paced, with the cordless phone in front of the wide stained glass windows. The early morning light was thin and pale on his desk.

"Mr. Luthor... Lex, this is important."

"It had better be a life or death situation for you to bother me at home at this time in the morning" Still distracted by Clark's statement, Lex tapped a pen against his leg, idly scanning his book shelves.

Hamilton's voice was strained, "It seems your father has left a very interesting and unfortunate legacy."

"Spare me the dramatics, Dr. Hamilton, cut to the fucking chase." Lex resumed his pacing, tracing the pattern of his anxiety into the study floor.

"The experiments he was doing in Dresden. He was doing experiments on children, Lex, with the Smallville meteor rocks." Hamilton's voice was filled with concern as he spoke.

"Human experiments?" Lex's mind whirled. "What kind of human experiments?" Dread halted his pacing, what the fuck had his father gotten him into?

"Lex, Mr. Luthor, people are dying here in Dresden."

"Fucking hell."

"Yes, and news of your father's coma has caused some of the staff to threaten to go to the press if they don't get more money."

Lex's mind began to spit out scenarios of containment of information, spin jobs and spin doctors. Lionel had left a disastrous LuthorCorp loose end, one that could destroy him, his company and his hopes for the future. Thanks a fucking lot, Dad.

"I need more information. What kind of experiments?" Panic filled him, pacing resumed with an additional frantic edge.

"I need you to get here as soon as possible. I'll get you any information you need. We can discuss the details on your flight." Hamilton's tone was so matter-of-fact Lex didn't think to question it. Instead he approached his desk and hastily dumped files, cell phone, laptop and palm pilot into his briefcase as Hamilton continued, "As acting head of LuthorCorp you need to spin this, or contain it before serious PR help is required."

"I'm well aware of my responsibilities in this situation, Hamilton." Lex rapidly assessed what he'd need to get leave without delay. How fast could he get to Dresden? What had his father stuck him with?

"Lex, there's one more thing."

"What is it?" The Lex of this morning was gone, replaced by a man driven to save his dream, to save everything he'd built in his life. His mind whirled with the next steps, his secretary could send the helicopter to take him to the Metropolis airport. The LuthorCorp plane was already on standby in case he'd needed to be in Paris in a hurry. "I have arrangements to make."

"I just want you to be prepared for what you'll find here."

"Come on, I don't have time for pussyfooting around."

"There are records to indicate that experiments were done on your mother here."

"What?" Lex's mind divided in two, one half still preparing for the trip, the other reeling from sick apprehension at the mention of his mother. Hamilton continued reticently, "It may be that your mother died as a result of one his experiments, it may have even caused Lionel's own cancer."

Lex felt cold hate build inside him, hate to be contained for later, "I am on my way right now. I'll meet you at the lab as soon as I can. Don't let anyone go to the press." He shook like wet dog, trying to clear his head. The most important thing was getting to Dresden and figuring out what was going on. If Lionel has killed his mother, he'd... What? Lionel was already in coma. Lex had no clear picture of what was going on and no recourse for what he feared he would find.

Lex was almost surprised to see Clark at his table when he returned distractedly to the kitchen. Whatever this was would have to wait...everything had to wait...

"Clark, I have to go to Europe. Now. I have urgent business."

Clark's face fell, collapsed into misery, his eyes, shiny and wet, looked up at Lex.

"Don't look like that, Clark, okay? I have to go." Lex clenched the back of the chair, his mind already in Dresden, "I don't know when I'll be back exactly. But we'll talk then. I'll be in touch."

Emotional control returned, in full force, putting Lex on auto pilot. He barked orders to his secretary in the wireless headset as he rapidly packed for Dresden. A helicopter was already it's way from the plant to take Lex to the Luthor airfield near Metropolis airport. In less than an hour he'd be on his way.

There was too much to do. Clothes, computer and papers packed, Lex gave Enrique last minute instructions. He made calls to the plant, arranging management. Lex came through the now empty kitchen to grab coffee as he heard the helicopter land. How had all this happened so fast?

It wasn't until Lex was on the plane that he realized he had not said a proper good bye to Clark, had not really explained anything. And what was the last thing Clark had said? Clark said he lied. Lied about what?

******

"Don't you want to know what I lied about?" Clark asked the empty room.

He finished his breakfast slowly and in silence, while Lex hurried around upstairs snapping commands into the phone. He wanted to leave before Lex came back downstairs, but where was there to go? Back to farm? The chores could wait, he was already behind. Lana was the last person he wanted to see now. He knew he couldn't see her again without telling her that he didn't want her. Chloe was far away. And Lex... Lex was leaving and Clark didn't even know where. Somewhere in Europe. Maybe his father had died? No, Lex would have told him. Lex had looked desperate...to get away from what he'd done with Clark?

Clark didn't bother to run home. The abandonment he felt at Lex's obvious brush off was keeping him from the concentration he'd need to keep from bumping into things at high speed. As comical as the thought was, it would be hard to explain a Clark shaped hole in the side of Chandler's barn.

Lex had responded to Clark. When Clark laid all his cards on the table, Lex had taken him to bed, kissed him tenderly, had let Clark inside him, had held him all night. Clark had woken with hope for having everything he ever wanted. But Lex hadn't answered him with words. Lex was always so exact. No promise had been forth coming, no declaration that Lex wanted the same future as Clark. The morning had brought no validation, no confirmation that Lex wanted Clark, that he wanted more than the dismal combination of friendship and sex that they had shared for the last few years.

Clearly Clark was unbelievably stupid and naive to think that Lex would choose him. Lex had everything. Lex would never be happy with someone as simple as Clark. All he had ever been was a millionaire's entertainment. Sure he believed that Lex was really his friend, but did Lex need more than that? Clark had sex with him with no demands on his time. Clark had even said last night that he would continue to do so if Lex wasn't willing to give him more.

Lex was never going to change his mind. For two years he had told Clark that they could never be together, that there were too many impediments. Clark had stopped asking. Why did he think that time would change the answer? Of course Lex rushed out this morning. It was no different than the way they didn't speak after they fucked. What had he said as left? That he didn't know when he'd back and maybe he'd call? What made Clark even think it would be different this time?

He whipped through his chores, though it was late in the morning when he started. As hard as he worked he couldn't clear his mind. All he knew was that he had nothing here that would ever make him happy. He could never bring himself to kiss Lana again. Things with Lex would never change. Life on the farm would go on much as it always had, with Clark hiding the most important things from the people he loved the most. He couldn't do it anymore.

Lunch was just sandwiches, Clark couldn't even taste them. It was as if everything had turned to dust for him.

"Mom, Dad?" He paused, putting his sandwich on the blue plate.

"Yes, son?" His father didn't pause from eating, but his mother looked up, concerned.

"Are you okay, Clark?"

"Sure, everything is fine. I just, well, I decided. I wanted to tell you that I am going to Metropolis University in the fall. I'll send the forms right after lunch." The decision hadn't really been made until the words came out of Clark's mouth, but what else was there for him to do? He had to do something for himself, he had spent too many years waiting for Lex. Now he had to get away from all things that reminded him of Lex, the way Lex had so clearly wanted to be away from him.

*****

Martha sat on the porch alone, watching the sunset. It was almost unbearable how much she missed Clark, even though he had only been gone a few days. It was the longest she had gone without seeing her son for nearly seventeen years. But she was glad for him. Glad for the chance of a future for him. At Metropolis University he would begin where she had ended. Full circle. And a young man should go out and seek his fortune.

Martha knew that if what she saw between Clark and Lex was real, that they would never be whole if they were apart. But being together in the way they had been the past few years had only caused both of them pain. As much as she missed her son, she was glad he had broken free. She didn't know if she could have born the burden of seeing him come home at dawn looking broken one more time.

On the day Clark had announced his decision to go to Metropolis, the last morning that he had come in in the early morning looking devastated, she resolved to put an end to it, but it seemed like it was already over. Martha went to confront Lex, to ask him to leave Clark alone, not to contact him at the University, to give Clark a chance to be free, but she found Lex was already gone. His house staff said that he had gone to Europe. She would probably never know what transpired between those boys, but it seemed it took Lex leaving to motivate her son in to moving forward.

It didn't matter now, both Lex and Clark had gone to other sides of the planet, never having needed her interference to separate them. Martha wondered if either boy would ever be far enough away to forget the other and move forward.


End file.
